Once in a while, i'm grabbed by an urge to 'do something with the family', which usually means spending time with my mum and taking her out somewhere nice for a few hours. I should explain, I love my family dearly but sometimes... well, they just get to me. Really get to me and drive me crazy.

I took mum out today to a nearby garden, some 30 acres of rambling paths and little nooks. It was a beautiful spring day, blue skies and sunshine, so I thought we would have a nice time just dodging the tourists and exploring the place.

Everything went wrong.

First off, I overslept and I arrived late to pick her up. She had decided that I wasn't coming and had settled in for the day with a book, (no call to see what was up - and i'd been rushing around too much to try and get there to call ahead and let her know). She had already decided that she wasn't going. I asked her if she wanted to go, and instead of being honest she said she would... but my spidey-senses were already tingling, sensing all was not well.

On arriving she wanted to yomp off into the garden. I wanted to grab a quick cup of tea, but she was impatient to get on. I was a little annoyed, as I hadn't eaten and it was now dinnertime... but I kept the peace and set off. Five minutes in she stopped for a sit down and a bite to eat... which ticked me off, as five minutes before she didn't want food or drink. I guess this was to avoid paying for the food in the restaurant - she had made sandwiches for us both to save money, despite my declaration that I would foot the bill for the food.

I saw red, and declared that I didn't want any, as I wasn't hungry. She got annoyed because I wouldn't eat. I kept my mouth shut and said not a word... which led her to declare I was sulking and I was "just like her father".

This is a particularly bad thing to say to me, as regardless of any likeness in temperment to my grandfather, he was not a nice man. He abused both mum and my grandmother, and was quite a nasty piece of work.

Silence.

I wasn't prepared to answer anything from her at that point - civil relations had broken down completely. She then got up and marched off into the garden muttering about me under her breath.

I went off in a different direction, seeking escape at any cost.

An hour or so later, I found myself at the far end of the gardens and holed up in a quiet corner, sat on a bench, all paths in full view for a quick escape. I found myself considering what the next move should be. Should I go back and try to repair the damage done to the day? Should I just bundle her back to the car, drive her home and get rid? What was the best course of action?

Eventually, I concluded that I had to rise above the ill-feeling, give her a straight choice of continue or going home, and see what she said. I headed back through the gardens looking for her, but with the feeling that she would be back at the cafe. My hunch was right - she was.

Unemotionally, I offered the choice. She apologised and asked if we could have a cup of tea. After the tea, she spent ages wandering the garden shop before buying some plants. I bundled her home.

I was so relieved to get home and lock the door behind me. I suspect that it'll be a very long time before I take her out again.

Tonight, thinking back on it, i'm wondering why I made the effort to take her out. Bearing in mind how difficult it is to get her out of the house anyway, I don't think it's been worth the effort. And why, oh why is family so bloody stubborn and annoying, and such hard work?

I guess i'm not the only girl in the world that has a rough relationship with their mother, but sometime I feel like I am totally alone.